The Potential Husband vs. The Lover – How To Stay Out Of Commitment

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First I learned about the topic of this post, from Erik von Markovik. It was when I read his advice, about telling a girl where you live. Mystery suggested to tell a girl that you live as far away as possible. In fact, a good answer would be that you live in another country and that you will be leaving forever in about a week.

It seemed rather controversial to me – is it possible that telling a girl that I am not a potential partner (because I live far away, for example), is actually helping to establish attraction?

Well, the answer seems to be yes.

It’s easier to seduce a girl by making her see you as only a lover and not a real partner.

The Lover vs. The Provider

Basically, a woman will always categorize a man into either 2 options: the man who provides her physically (security, food, financial needs etc.), and the man who provides her with sexual pleasure.

Men who use their financial status to pick up women (for example by buying her a drink), immediately go to the provider’s category.

The problem is that a woman will postpone sex as much as possible with a guy who she sees as her provider. She is not going to use to have sex until she’s sure that he will stay loyal to her.

You see, women need more time than men in order to feel comfortable before sleeping with a guy. However there even if a girl is ready, she is going to postpone sex in order make the man commit.

But, what if she sees as just a lover – a guy who gives her sexual pleasure and nothing more? Then, she will be ready to have sex with you pretty quickly.


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Start With Being A Lover

Since a girl decided that you are her potential provider, it’s very difficult to change your status to a lover. As long as you begin the official “dating cycle”, you are probably not going to sleep with her until you are on a 10th date or something like that.

She will just hold it as much as she can – to make you feel “invested” in the relationship.

But, if you start as a lover, by showing her that you aren’t going to be her long-term partner, and have sex with the girl – then it’s easy to become her provider (if you want her as your girlfriend).

That’s why I suggest that you begin as her lover first – get her to bed, and then decide if you want to be with the girl or not.

How Not to Appear as the Provider?

Mystery suggested telling women that you live in a different city/state/country, in order to not be seen as a “provider”. But, there are also other ways.

I know a guy who is student and lives in a tiny room in his aunt’s apartment. He’s a complete opposite of the “provider” type. No girl will see him as a potential husband, for example. But he’s an attractive guy, he’s great with women.

So girls want him, and he gets laid a lot – but women will never see him as a potential provider.

So, a great way to become the “lover”, is also to show that you have no financial stability. Being a student, an artist, something like that – is a great option.

Another way to do this, I learned from a good friend of mine. He calls it “the bisexual excuse”. He tells women that he’s bisexual, dating both women and men. For some reason, women find bisexual men attractive. It also means that they have better sexual experience.

So – being bisexual is another option.

You might find many other ways too. For example, you can use your religion, or your age, or any other way – to show women that you can’t be their partner. Trust me, being the lover is a way more fun than being the provider.

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